what are your thoughts on this? have you ever looked back on your habits as a child and seen looking back indications of who and what you are today? if you are slave, how many of your actions and traits as a child indicative of the slave you are now? If you are Master, then I am humbled you are reading my writings, but were you always the dominant Man you are today or did your path take a different twist before you found your home?

For those interested, my pic can be found up on fetlife under the same username that I use here. So the pic and the multi-part posts go hand in hand. Hm, and I guess to answer this question I need to delve more into my past history.

As stated in the multi-part blog about myself, I was born with multiple birth defects. And yes, on occasion I do have moments where my short-term memory goes (huge pain and inconvenience) and moments when my long-term memory goes (Not a big deal for me). But before I started maturing at a young age I was lost. Lost in that I did not know who or what I was for myself. I knew very clearly I was different yet didn’t quite understand how. And yes, I was very meek and shy, bashful waaaay back then.

I suppose it was when I was 16 that I knew myself fully for what I was. Though at that time I was going through the very beginning of a two year severe depression stint.  It is one of those contradictory situation I suppose, for amidst the turmoil of sorrow, hate, jealousy, selfish pride, heart wrenching pain I found peace. Yeah yeah, like I just said, contradictory. And what better way to learn patience then during a struggle within yourself? Sorry if I am sounding a bit, not insulting…the word escapes me at the moment.

Growing up I have never had many close friends. Sure, in high school I was in on every group yet was never truly a part of any one group. I have always had a very small group of friends and that was it. I have always been a loner at heart for all that I have been through. So finding BDSM online by yahoo chatrooms at the age of 18 was exciting and different. Taboo. Was the start to understanding myself more completely.

Yet, the year I spent in BDSM there was an empty part of me. After awhile I would switch from BDSM chatroom to BDSM chatroom until I was more a spook than a participant. Well, the true journey started when I found about Gor. It wasmy homecoming to say it lightly.

And know what? I have a beautiful love kajira that I am coming home to in this coming year. And I have not regretted the hardships I undergone with her for it has helped me as I have helped her grow. Yeah, yeah….masochist for pain of all sorts I am. But there is nothing new there!

So whether this answers the question for the Masters or not I do not know. Just this is the best answer I can give using my interpretation of the question asked. Enjoy.